Wish List For Adoptive Parents {Giveaway}
When we started our adoption process, a friend gave me the book Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherri Eldridge. Honestly, it scared me to death! I tried to read a few pages, but it made me feel tense, weepy, and afraid. I remember talking to Roger about my feelings and he encouraged me to wait until Zoie came home and read it when I felt more confidence with our new daughter. It really was the best advice for me … I think sometimes we can read so many books and helpful advice pre-adoption, it can cause a lot of stress. I’m not a professional, but an adoption coach/cheerleader/mom who has gone through the adoption process from start to finish.
Here is a great list (straight from the book) you can read and gain a sense of understanding about how your adoption son or daughter might be feeling. Zoie is only three years old, but I want to make sure we stay on top of her feelings and validate her unique needs. I’m confident that when challenges or issue surface with our adoption, Roger and I will have some great resources to help us through.
{Giveaway} Today only, I’m giving away 2 copies of the book for 2 special adoption families. Leave a comment and share with me what country you adopted/or in process of adoption. I will update this post with the winners names.
{Updated with Winner’s names!! Congrats to Chante & Becky}
Special Mission News: Are you interested in going to Uganda & Kenya in October with Visiting Orphans- GREAT NEWS: We just found out that there is a BOGO sale on airfare for our October 12th to 24th Kenya/Uganda trip. You could save BIG (by $1K-the total trip cost now would be $2300 to $2500) and visit orphans at the same time!
1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible.
2. I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed.
3. If I don’t grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered.
4. My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.
5. I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them.
6. Just because I don’t talk about my birth family doesn’t mean I don’t think about them.
7. I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family
8. I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history, no matter how painful the details my be.
9. I am afraid I was given away by my birth mother because I was a bad baby. I need you to help me dump my toxic shame.
10. I am afraid you will abandon me.
11. I may appear more whole than I actually am. I need your help to uncover the parts of myself that I keep hidden, so I can integrate all the elements of my identity.
12. I need to gain a sense of personal power.
13. Please don’t say I look or act just like you. I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences.
14. Let me be my own person but don’t let me cut myself off from you.
15. Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption. Don’t tell other people without my consent.
16. Birthdays may be difficult for me.
17. Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times.
18. I am afraid I will be too much for you to handle.
19. When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me, and respond wisely
20. Even if I decide to search for my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents.
Hey there Kari!
I have never read this book but had heard of it and was also too scared to read it. After adopting Lyida two years (she is also three), I think now would be a great time. Especially as we prepare to adopt another child from Uganda.
Thank you for this giveaway!!!
love Naomi
Hi, I have heard about the book also but have never read it. We adopted a little boy domestically 6 years ago and have a 2 year old little girl from Ethiopia, and 2 teenage bio boys.
We adopted twin 6 year old boys from Ethiopia. My friend who adopted domestically recommended this book to me, but I haven’t read it yet!
Hi Kari,
We adopted out daughter Natalie from Ethiopia in spring 2009, now 3 yrs old (almost!). We’ve already dealt with #4 and #10 in some ways, but I’m sure as she gets older we will face the other situations. We are now waiting for a referral for a 4-6 yr old girl from Ethiopia! Haven’t read this book but keep meaning to find a copy somewhere.
seriously awesome twins from Ethiopia! xoxo
We’re adopting two sweet girls from Ethiopia! This book sounds great!
have just started our adoption process! So excited to hear about this book!
We are in process of adopting a SN 6yr old girl from China
Kari,
Our now 5 year old daughter, born in Ethiopia, has been home for 13 months. I would love to read this book, we have felt the effects of so many of the listed losses, feelings, etc.
Blessings to you as you encourage & support others with your passion for orphans / the least of these! Thank you!
Becky
MN momma to many
We adopted 2 DELIGHTFUL boys from Ethiopia!
We adopted a three year old from Ethiopia five months ago. He’s now four and a few of the things on the list above really hit home. I would love to have this book!
We adopted a beautiful 9 month baby boy from Ethiopia almost two years ago. Although we have always talked about his birth mother he is just now starting to ask a few more questions [as much as a three year old can]. We would love to read this book.
We are in the process of adopting domestically now and I would love to read this book and learn how to get ready for some issues that I may not be prepared for. We have 2 bio children, so we know alot about raising kids, but not much about issues that might arise with adopted children.
We’ve adopted twice from Korea. The boys are now 5 and 3 . Thanks for sharing about the book.
We’ve just started the process of adopting from the China Waiting Child list. Although we have the support of many friends who are adoptive parents, I would really appreciate having a book to serve as a ‘reference’ along the way.
We are just starting our adoption journey and are so excited about it! We will be adoption from Kenya and are looking forward to the crazy adventure it will bring! We are wanting to read and take in everything that we can so thank you for this post 🙂
That sounds like a wonderful book. We have adopted a nine year old son from Haiti and a nine year old daughter from Ethiopia. We would love to have this book for our family!
We are adopting from both Uganda and the Democratic Republic of Congo.
Hi Kari,
We read this book before we brought home our girls from Ethiopia. We were preparing for older children, I think we will go through many things the books talks about as the girls age. We live out #10 every day and this summer my husband and I have concentrated prayer on their security that we will not abandon them.
Blessings,
Amy G
Thanks for this giveaway, I have this book in my Amazon shopping cart, but have not bought it yet. Our family is in the process of adopting a 5 year old boy and his 3 year old sister from Ghana.
I’m so excited we all agree that this book is worth the read- it’s a little scary, I know, but you never know when one of the issues may pop up … good to be prepared!! Love you all!
Yeah! I’m so excited to begin reading this book … thank you so much!
Becky
13045 10th Ave S. Zimmerman MN 55398
My husband and I are in the process of adoption a sweet baby from China!!! Would love to read the book!
I have read this book and others. We adopted our 10 year old daughter from China nine years ago. We also have a 16 year old bio daughter. I read this book before bringing my daughter home and although it scared me too it was the best thing I could have done to be prepared. We have dealt with many adoption “challenges” and we have walked the journey of attachment/trauma and sensory related stuff. Adoptive parenting has been the hardest job I have ever had in my life, but it has also been the most rewarding. We have seen the hand of God has worked miracles in our daughter’s life and we have been blessed with learning more about Him and His love for the lost and hurting in this world. I have always believed that adoptive parenting is for those who want to live life to the fullest and who aren’t afraid to sometimes get messy. The biggest joys come from sticking it out in the biggest challenges.
I am glad that adoptive parents have found a resource they love so much. . . but as an internationally adopted adult I found this book to be extremly offensive. I whole heartedly don’t agree with alot of the points. . but maybe that is because I was raised in a nice, loving home.
#1 I think this one angered me the most. I do not feel lose, I feel like I have won.
#9, 10 & 13 are complete rubish to me.
#6 & 20 are iffy at best.
#17 it can be comical, not that distressing.
#18 IMO is a mute point since obviously any adopted or non adoptive kid could possibly be too much for a parent to handle.
just my two cents. I relize I am not every child and the author has tons of experience with a variety of families. But DO NOT HOLD THIS BOOK AS YOUR ADOPTION BIBLE.