Trusting in the Unseen

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

First off thank you Kari for letting us share part of our story while she is serving in Haiti.  You don’t probably know me—a mom from Austin MN, an Assistant Principal at a local middle school with a son and a great husband-but you might know a story like mine or know someone going through this time in their life. I was in a deep pit.

Yes, I know it is easier to look back, dust yourself off and be relieved after it is all over-but this is not what I am writing about today-I am telling about when I was in it, scrambling to get out, looking at everyone else around me looking down at me-unsure how to respond, how to help, and how to help me heal.

It started in July of 2010 with this picture:

We had begun our adoption process in January of the same year-with thoughts of waiting 2-3 years for the referral of a 3-4 year old boy from Ethiopia.  Instead we received a referral before the ink was dry on our home study!  He was beautiful-I knew his name, and his story and I loved him!  I didn’t think that type of love could come from a picture-but it did.  My husband and our son Kenny loved M from the start-we started dreaming about what our life would be like with M in it-all the challenges and changes that would come.

Then the wait started.

First we hit the court closure in Ethiopia, and then some of our paperwork had to be changed.  I watched the agency updates daily..waiting…wondering “when is it our turn”.  Finally December 22nd, 2010-6 months after accepting the referral we received our court date-early March 2011.
As my husband and I walked out of court in Ethiopia we were so excited-the judge had “approved” our case on the spot!  According to timelines I followed we were to expect to return to Ethiopia in early June to bring our son home-maybe even before his 5th birthday!  We would have the summer to adjust (and he could adjust to Minnesota weather before the “snow”) and hopes to start him in preschool in the fall so he would be Kindergarten ready for 2012.  I can remember 1 week after returning buying these outfits and starting the suitcase for him.  I can also remember thanking God for “passing” us right away-out of the 11 families that traveled together-only 4 passed at court-I kept thinking that I couldn’t have handled not passing right away-God knew what I could handle…right?

Then everything changed.

We received a call from our Social Worker-a piece of paperwork was not being released, we were no longer approved and had to wait for this letter-not to worry, should take no longer than a month.

No letter in March, April, May, or June.  By this time 7 families had already traveled out of the 11 and brought their children home.  The judge wrote another firm letter to require the release of the letter for our son.  We celebrated his 5th birthday without him.

July-our agency called to tell us that 2 of the 4 letters needed had been released…ours was not one of the letters.  And he had been suddenly moved due to and orphanage closure, hoping for updates on his health soon-as I had been waiting since early April for height/weight updates-something I cherished as a way to picture him now…one year after his referral picture.

Late July-almost a year since referral-we finally passed!  Letters had been released, now people were traveling to get him and bring him to the Capitol City-maybe October Embassy??  Fall in Minnesota is beautiful and we would be together for the Holidays!

Another slip into the pit….

Days went by for the call that he was in the Capitol city-then the call…. the one no one wants…the one that they say “We are waiting to get your husband on the line before we start” even typing this I still get teary eyed and my heart races.  The call where they tell you due to some unforeseen issues-we don’t think this adoption will go through.

My heart truly had been broken- I did not understand, the tears flowed as we met with our Pastor-as I walked into school and brought our son home to tell him, as I figured out a way to get up the next morning, and the one after that, and to keep breathing and praying for him to be loved-by anyone-for me.

Prayer given via email to our Church Members:

Pastor Mike has requested prayer for Rob & Jess Cabeen and Kenny. Their adoption was terminated. Please pray for wisdom and comfort.

Psalm 71:20-22

New Living Translation (NLT)

20 You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will restore me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.
21 You will restore me to even greater honor
and comfort me once again.

22 Then I will praise you with music on the harp,
because you are faithful to your promises, O my God.
I will sing praises to you with a lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.

God is a wonderful, trusting God-looking back these times in the past year was dark, I mean DARK.  I had never been so low in my life…but I don’t think I had ever been so close to God either.  I reached for him while running everyday; I looked for him in the eyes of African children in the school I worked at.  I cried with him while playing drums in our worship band, I reached out for him through wonderful people like Kari Gibson, Jenn Hatmaker, and Amanda Herdina (Visiting Orphans) and I learned from him through our care group at church and bible studies.  Now I am able to tell you the truth—I question him-daily, maybe hourly at times.  “Why us?  Why him?  What did we do wrong?” I cried regularly for M, for our lives.  Each holiday or grief marker I cried for what I had lost, it was truly the roughest time in my life.

But He gave me strength.

Each day after that day in August 2011 I felt him with me, carrying me through the tough times.  He helped me to type the emails to the other families-congratulating them on their new addition, letting them know how happy we are for them-and not to feel bad about their successful adoptions-celebrate being a forever family-we will survive.  God was with me during the conference calls after the news in August and He was loving on our little guy-even though he had no idea what was going on, and how much people-both in the US and Ethiopia were fighting for him.

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”

Hebrews 11:1

Then October came-and a little light cracked through the darkness in our pit-this might actually happen!  We waited and watched quite a dramatic turn of events evolve…and at Thanksgiving received word-he was in the Capitol City and would be submitted to Embassy within a week.  Praise God!  Praise God! Praise God!

Now not defy the odds, but if you have adopted from Ethiopia recently-you are aware that the timelines for Embassy can range up to 6 weeks, if not 8-12.  We set in for a late January/February travel date…hey maybe he would miss much of the snow I was so worried about for him—preschool-well he will get a lot of support and we still hope for Kindergarten 2012…we don’t care at this point-we just want to see him, hold him and love him.

Well 5 days into our Embassy Submission we got THE CALL-not only that within 48 hours I was on a plane to bring him home, before Christmas!  God is so good-his timeline was exactly how it should be.  I mean, we are three weeks into being a family of four and we are finally seeing snow-it has been so warm here that M and brother played outside during the Christmas break!  We have been to church and have dedicated M “Isaiah” and promised to raise him with a faith and believe in God.  I don’t think that will be too difficult as his journey thus far is a testament to the Spirit and the Ways in which He works.

At the Airport-December 23rd, 2011

Now I will admit, the transition into life of a family of four is not storybook-or easy.  It is tough, we are muddling through this one step at a time-but loving every step of it and we know that God will be with us through this next step of our journey.

May you be blessed,

Jessica Cabeen

Blog: Bring Home Our Family

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