Crazy Adoption Month: Who Picks Who?
November is National Adoption Month, a time to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care. In honor of Orphan Sunday and Adoption Awareness, I’m thrilled to share some amazing adoption stories from bloggers and posts to inspire you to open your hearts to adoption and orphan care. This month, you can WIN a mission trip to visit orphans here. Every single purchase of a Missions Giveaway tee will touch the life of an orphan in 13 countries all over the world. You can be a part of changing the life of a child and the winner- together!
I hope you find encouragement as you read “Who Picks Who” one of my favorite and most difficult posts to write. We are grateful to celebrate adoption and the miracle God gave us- our precious daughter Zoie Senait.
Have you ever asked yourself these questions:
- Do I pick adoption or does adoption pick me?
- How do I know if I’m really called to adopt?
- Is adoption right for me?
- Will I have an “Ah Ha” moment?
Well, how do you know if you should adopt? You might be feeling in your heart to adopt, but your head is thinking, “God, adoption? 
Do you know how many details I would have to work on?” I have been asked many times how does this big ‘”Ah-ha” happen… the exact moment when you knew adoption was the right thing for you to do? Every adoption story is different and personal and unique. We all have expectations for how we think life will play out, and we all hope those plans will become realities. But, what happens when God calls us to do something crazy out of the ordinary? What do we do when the “ah ha” is too big and too scary and too risky?
Adoption is not for everyone, I understand that we all have different callings, gifts, talents and passions. James 1:27 “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.” We are all called to do something, to take care of orphans…whether it’s sponsoring a child, missions, foster care, financial, or adoption. This is my adoption story, the one God wrote for Roger and I… a story we had no idea how it would play out or end.
It’s difficult for me to look back in time at my own personal journey to adopt Zoie, but if my story can help encourage or point you in the right direction, it’s worth it to me. In 1999, my heart was finally healing over the loss of our son and the craziness of having a 26 week old micro-preemie, who was now a healthy three year old. I loved being a mommy and desired to expand our family through adoption. My biggest hurdle was convincing Roger that we should adopt. It seemed like such an easy question, but it had taken me a long time to find the courage to ask. I had no idea how he would respond. I will never forget the day I asked my hubby, “Do you want to adopt?” In 0.2 seconds, Roger said, “Nope.” Okay, perhaps he did not hear understand what I was referring to, so I asked the same question in a different way. This time I knew he heard, because his reply was even more accelerated this time, “No, I’m sorry, but adoption is just not for me!” I asked if he would pray about it and he said he would, but I think he said that just to put an end to the conversation. I never spoke to him about adoption again. A simple question, turned into a dangerous surrender of my heart.
Three years later, my hubby out of the blue asked me a question that totally caught me off guard, “Do you still want to adopt?” My mouth dropped, I was speechless. I remember stuttering and laughing and choking out the words- “are you serious?” I couldn’t believe that God had answered my prayers in such an extraordinary way, but it was three years later and so much had changed in my life. My children were older and life was feeling easier and calmer and quieter- they were both in school. I wasn’t so sure anymore if adoption was “our thing” so I told him lets give it some time and think about it. How could it be possible that my heart wasn’t willing, and my reasons were so shallow. I struggled constantly asking, “God, why are you bothering me with this?” I had shared my desire to adopt several times during my “hiatus” with my mom, my best friend and others – they all said the same thing… are you crazy?! Fear had settled into my heart. Fear to not do something radical and unfamiliar. I did not know a single person in my community that had adopted a child… I was clueless about the adoption process. I believed that without the blessing from my hubby, family and friends I would never have the courage to adopt. It was a case closed in fear.
It’s crazy I know, but God cracked opened the case files. He urgently prompted Roger and I to move forward with adoption. I know that sounds really strange, but I can only explain how it happened for us.  Our “Ah ha” moment came six years later after my original request. Our breakthrough was an adorable, spunky nine year old who became our family ambassador. She begged and prayed and pleaded and nagged and insisted we adopt a baby. We came up with brilliant excuses, but our daughter, Hannah was relentless. We loved being a mom and dad, wanted to expand our family, but how in the world were we going to know if we heard His voice and make the right decision for our family? We started praying for clarification, neon signs flashing, anything to help us know what to do. Our son pretty much thought we’d lost our marbles- even told us we were “whacked,” but we committed to prayer. We prayed and prayed for two years, but still fear was our worst enemy. We were scared to death and it made us feel paralyzed to make the final decision to adopt. We finally had several friends who had adopted or were in the process of adopting, but we just couldn’t move forward.
What do you do when you are afraid? Anxiety means, A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties. Fear was flat out keeping us from doing the work God had planned in our lives. We started hanging up verses all over the house. Our favorite was Philippians 4:6-7 and we claimed that verse and spoke it out loud every chance we had. There are too many crazy stories to tell you, but when we finally wrote out a check to an adoption agency, AWAA (awaa.org) and filled out the application to start our adoption to China, we were overcome with thrills, chills and slight nausea. This was it… we knew there was no turning back. We were surrendering our inconveniences, expectations, dreams, hopes and family to jump in faith and obey God’s voice. We had to trust He had a plan for our lives that would lead us to a place of peace.
Do you get it? Adoption picked us. It picked us and it wrecked our lives for the better. We are a part of something so much bigger and its not about us. We are crazy in love with our children, advocating for adoption, orphan ministry and encouraging other families to step into the world of adoption or foster care. At first, we avoided God’s call and then surrendered to His plans. He never let go of us and He will guide you, too. John 14:18 “No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you.” He can and will provide for you-and for what He has called you to do. He never leads us where he will not sustain us- The manna will come!
In an upcoming post, Adoption 101: Joy Opportunity Lost, my hubby and I discuss what happens when you are called to adopt and you miss the opportunity. This is for the doubters, the stumblers, the procrastinators, the “I’m still think’n about it”, the excuse makers, the runners and the “God, are you talking to me?” Roger and I tried them all out for many years and I want to help eliminate the danger of you missing out on God-breathed adoption miracles.
I’d love to hear your “Ah Ha” moments when adoption picked you. Please share your breakthroughs in the comments with me.
Great story of a mom who struggled with the term “just adopt“
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Kari. I look forward to reading about other's "aha moments". I don't think we really had one, but I definitely had the desire to adopt before my husband did and had to surrender the issue to the Lord. He is SO faithful and changed my husband's heart over time and here we go! I can't wait to meet our new children! We are so blessed.
I loved reading your story. Others' stories were such a blessing to me when we first started this process. I hope it will be a blessing to someone on the verge of taking that leap of faith towards adoption. Our story would take awhile to write here, so I will just add the link here, in case anyone wants to read it.
http://filledwithpraise.blogspot.com/2009/08/our-…
Thank you for sharing your heart for adoption. You are such a blessing to me and others.
Amy
Thank you moms for sharing your adoption links- this is perfect & exactly what I wanted for our adoption readers!! I pray that our stories can give hope, reassurance, excitement and support for anyone wanting to care for orphans!! Lets keep linking together all our stories!!
xoxo
I know your story….but reading it again brought tears to my eyes!! I'm so glad you were brave enough to step out and get on that crazy adoption roller coaster.
I don't remember our "Ah Ha" moment. Shane and I had always wanted to adopt, it was the financial side that kept us away so long. When the opportunity came to be one of the first to adopt from Ethiopia, we jumped at the chance. Who knew that our "three month" time frame would turn into a year and a half long struggle to bring our children home. And who knew that 4 years later we would be taking the journey again! God knew.
My advice to those considering adoption is to Listen. Pray for guidance and let your heart be open to whatever God leads you to do. Then…expect something incredible. Know that in adoption you will face difficulties, run into seemingly impenetrable walls, you will cry, you will scream, you will be filled with such joy when that photo comes to your inbox, and you will hurt as you stare into the eyes on that photo and wonder when you will be able to hold that precious child. Then, when things are FINALLY complete, you will have in your arms a treasure that you will cherish forever. A child who is your own, and who you will love more deeply than you ever could have imagined.
Randi, how many coffees did we drink and talk to help me thru our adoption process- waiting for 2 years to bring home Zoie. You were the support team I needed to hold on and not give up. I can never walk into a Starbucks without thinking about our adoption therapy sessions… you were the Lara Croft for Ethiopian adoptions and I know sooo many adoption families from ET don't even know that fact!!! God used you to break down the corruption & difficult structures in Addis Ababa & govt for all of us to follow!! Your 3 Ethiopian miracles are my treasure and the main source of my hope & support to make it to Zoie girl!!! How can I ever thank you sister!!
xoxo
Thank you for sharing this Kari! Our story is very similar. Instead of re-telling it all here, here is a link if anyone is interested in reading it :http://karleighmei.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-sweet-is-lord.html
Thank you for being such a blessing to me Kari!
Thanks for sharing your story, Kari! It is so encouraging to hear, especially since my husband and I are wrestling with the same thoughts and fears and questions right now as we contemplate adoption and what we think/hope/fear/and pray that God is calling us to.
totally sending readers over to you now!!! Just found your blog about 2 weeks ago and I LOVE it…loooking forward to getting a t-shirt for myself and the hubster soon when budgeting allows!
Thanks, Kari, for the wonderful encouraging post! We have our first homestudy meeting today and I was just sitting here wondering if what we are doing is really right for us. It has been on our hearts for some time – very urgently in the past several months. The expense of international adoption has kept us at bay, but we are stepping out in faith and believing God will provide! I'm a jumble of emotions! I can't believe I feel all these things all at once – it is WAY more emotional to me that finding out we were pregnant for the first time 8 years ago. I guess I should gear up for quite a roller coaster ride.
Great post Kari. Loved your mention of a neon sign as that was exactly how I explained our 'ah-ha' moment last July. God knows I need huge flashing signs to really get his messages. What a ride it has been, and it is only just beginning.
http://wagest.blogspot.com/2009/07/neon-signs-and…
we're inthe middle of a lot of what you are saying here….we've been here for several months. we have the paperwork – some conflict around the adoption issue has definitely put us in a state of increased fear…….looking forward to your next post on this – could you post it? like now. or even yesterday?
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I feel very encouraged as I wait for Gods leading and working on my husbands heart if it is His will. Thank you for your example of how you waited on the Lord! It sounds as if you very graciously and gently waited for your husbands heart to be turned to adoption. Something I needed to hear as I am falling into one of those times where i could easily, if I am not careful, get in the way . God is good and will give us the desires of our heart if we love him and obey. But He may not always do it the way we think He should. Grateful for His grace!!
Thanks so much for sharing. I'm not sure about our aha moment, I had a heart for adoption when I was younger. When I got pregnant and was HORRIBLY sick (in and out of the hospital) I told my husband we were adopting. Since he was in Iraq during the pregnancy he didn't realize the extent of it and we had another biological child (which I'm thrilled about now, of course). We both decided that IF we add to our family after that, it'll be through adoption. 11 months after our daughter was born my husband actually came home seriously talking about it. We got info, got overwhelmed and stopped for a while. Finally – 2 years after that – we started the process. We should be beginning our home study shortly!!! Hurray!
Thanks for sharing this story… very encouraging. I am a young woman who for some reason has always felt drawn to international adoption. I am getting married later this year to a man who is hesitant about it. It just wasn't on his "radar" before I came along. Sometimes I've wondered why God would call me to someone who seems hesitant in that realm. (I mean I am happy about marrying him, just am intrigued at how God is going to work here). It is interesting to read several stories where God cleared the way when the time was right.
Wow! Thanks so much for sharing your story! I know I'm going to spend hours today checking out everyone's links! 🙂 I am adopted and it has been a beautiful blessing to my life. I have always fantasized about adopting myself, but after having 3 girls of my own, and a husband who said No, I thought it impossible. That is, until a few weeks ago, and I just blurted out I wanted to adopt to my husband, and he said he would be all for it. Right now though, we are stuck in fear. I could so relate to your post in that way. The money, not knowing if we should go domestic or international, my extreme (like panic attack style) fear of travel. I keep telling the Lord He should know I cannot travel to Ethiopia! I mean, you name it, and I fear it! Ha! So, we will pray, and I will do my research, and I know the Lord will lead us. Thank you so much for this site!! Oh, I ordered one of your shirts the other day and I LOVE it!!
I found your blog this morning and this post was meant for me. Like many wives, I have a stronger desire to make this happen but my husband is willing. He has a "No" moment in November which devastated me, but it was God's timing. During that time, we found out we were going to become grandparents. The decision to continue has been mine, and I seriously took a step back to process whether I wanted ot adopt a child vs just wanting a baby or child in our family. My desire to adopt hasn't changed! It's still strong. This is definitely a God given desire.
Thank you for sharing.
P.S. For clarification, I meant my husband left our decision to continue with adoption up to me.
Kari, I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this this morning! My husband and I have always felt called to adoption and after three biological children, God has led us to adopt from Haiti. We are just finishing our home study and beginning our dossier and have started sharing the news with family and friends. My heart was broken this weekend when others did not share our joy and excitement. Your post has encouraged me to continue to pray that their hearts open up and support our decision. Thank you for sharing your story!
Tara, as you move forward, its incredible to watch others around start expressing joy, but it takes time. Their biggest hurdle- fear!! They fear you will go thru pain and don’t know how to express that with you. At least, that was what we went thru. Your excitement and joy will be contagious and letting family know what you need to feel support! Bless you and your upcoming adoption!! WHOOOO HOOOOOO I’m super excited for you:)
xoxo
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