Crazy Guest: The Red Thread

When you begin the adoption process from China, you are immediately immersed in adoption “lingo.” Words and acronyms like DTC, Dossier, red thread, LID and ladybugs are suddenly everywhere. Our family slowly became versed in all of the adoption lingo, and eventually the words took on personal meaning with our own adoption journey. Perhaps many of you are also well versed on those words, but for some the red thread concept might be new to you.

Let me explain . . . On many China adoption related websites you will see the Chinese proverb:

“An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.”

Many families hang on to this thought, finding comfort that they will eventually reach the child “destined” for them. Sure, it’s a nice thought, but we were confident from the start that God knew who our Katie was and He would wisely, providentially and perfectly bring us together as a family. Our family isn’t left to fate or destiny, our family is perfectly put together and sustained by our all-knowing, ever-loving God.

With that being said, we also knew that some day we would be given glimpses by God as to how and when He put our family together. We’ll never know all the details of Katie’s first year without us, but we do know she had to endure an abandonment and a year without a family before God would put us together. Even with all of the unknowns, we always felt confident that God would someday give us His version of the red thread.

Let me tell you about the story of our gracious red thread from the Lord:

We began the adoption process in December of 2004 and finally received our referral of Katie Mei in February of 2006. Finally, after so many months of waiting we had a face and information to go with the enormous love and longing we had. It was wonderful, glorious, and all that we imagined. But then I crashed.

After that first afternoon of staring into those eyes and at that sweet face, I suddenly became depressed. All I could think of were Katie’s birth parents. Did they know how cute she was? Who did she get those chubby cheeks from, her birth mother or birth father? Would she be tall or petite? Did they wonder about her everyday? I ached for them. I couldn’t look at Katie’s picture without becoming totally overwhelmed by grief for them.

Then, just a few days after our initial referral picture we received all of our translated information about Katie. It gave what few specific details there were about her abandonment. And then I became angry. Why there? Why then? Didn’t they love her enough to keep her longer? I knew all those questions were ridiculous. I knew in my mind that China has a horrible system that creates situations where parents have to make horrific choices. And within that system Katie’s birth parents made the most noble and honorable choice they could – they chose to give Katie a chance at life, a better life. There was no abortion. There was no abandonment in a secretive, remote location. They left her to be found with the hope for better. But I just could not see that for a few days. Instead of aching with grief, I was hot with anger. I was a mess.

During that time a sweet friend called to encourage me. She reminded me of the story that God is always weaving a tapestry out of our life. All we see is the underside of that tapestry, with the hanging threads and colors that make no sense, but someday, when the tapestry is finished, we’ll see it from heaven’s side and it will be beautiful and perfect and all make sense. It was the perfect reminder and I began again to trust God with all my emotions regarding Katie and her birth parents.

It was just a week or so later that I remembered we wanted to find out what we were doing on the day that Katie was born. I’m not always the best at keeping a calendar, but I did remember to save the calendar from 2005 and so I pulled it out. What do you know – the particular week that Katie was born was a week I had chosen to document every little detail of our lives for a scrapbook project. Not only did I have a calendar of that week, I had journaled and scrapbooked every day of that week! Isn’t God good?!

I ran to the scrapbook and pulled it out. Katie was born on May 11, 2005, so I went to May 10, 2005 – that would be the day here in the US that Katie was born in China. We didn’t really do anything picture worthy that day, so I had journaled more than usual. The one picture I did take on that day was of our i-pod playing, “I Have a Maker (He Knows my Name)” by Tommy Walker. We played this song over and over while we were waiting, allowing the words to remind us that God knew Katie from the beginning, that He was watching over her and caring for her. That day, May 10th, I was listening to that song, and I wrote:

“Just as I was writing down Scripture that I want to remember, the i-pod plays, “He Knows my Name.” Is today the day that Katie Mei is born, or abandoned? Is she already here, waiting for us? I don’t know, and that not knowing is hard, but God does know. And this brings me peace and comfort. I can rest, confident that He knows her and is caring for her already.”

Do you see that red thread in my tapestry? The very day that Katie Mei’s birth mom was in labor and giving life to our girl, her other mother half way around the world was longing for her and praying for her. God orchestrated that. No doubt about it. Someday, in heaven, as I look at my tapestry, that beautiful red thread in there will be for Katie and for her brave and courageous birth mom.

Isn’t God good?

[read more on Karen’s blog]