Adoption Growing In My Heart, Not Under It
My friend, Andrea (pictured with Zoie) wrote an amazing article for Sunburt Women. I’m sooo proud of her and the passion, support, and encouragement she pours out on moms in the process of adoption. We held hands for many many months during our own adoption pregnancies. For over a year, we cried, fussed, laughed, screamed in glee, every time we talked on the phone. The best part was meeting each other in NYC for a perfect girl’s getaway weekend! Adoption labor pains are no fun if you don’t have a friend who understands exactly how you are feeling every step of the way. Thank you dear friend for praying and loving and holding our Zoie girl long before we met her! You are my adoption BFF!
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New mom Andrea greets Gabrielle for the first time. By Andrea Kidd The journey of adoption is one of the most rewarding experiences. The process will take a person through myriad emotions filled with love, joy, tears, fear, and hope, as well as more personal growth than could ever be imagined. Adoptive parents, who also gave birth biologically, will describe how exceptionally similar the two experiences are. For every stage of adoption, there is a complementary stage of pregnancy and childbirth. Stages to a family Conception We know what is involved with natural conception and the process of a fetus growing in a mother’s womb. In adoption, the “genes” of your child are constructed as parents make the following decisions: • Domestic or international adoption. Growth The next step in adoption is what is called your “paper baby.” This paper baby is formally called a dossier and is pulled together over many months of paperwork. This dossier represents you and your family’s history, as well as approval from a social worker who has met with your family several times. Essentially, your pre-natal doctor appointments have taken place and it is time for your baby to grow and develop in your heart! Waiting Just as in biological pregnancies, this wait is fairly predictable, yet very emotional. Any unexpected things, like pre-term labor or an overdue baby, may pop up at any given time. Families may find themselves rushing to pick up their child far earlier than they had planned, or families may feel like they are giving birth to an elephant as they have waited far more than nine months. Sonogram For most international adoptions, there is a stage where you receive a referral. The referral is when the agency matches you with a child. In a domestic adoption, this would be when the birth mother chooses your family. When a referral is given, the family receives the most exciting news of who their child is and what he or she looks like. Typically, a picture, medical reports, and history reports are presented at this time. You have seen your child and are in the final stretch. The labor pains have begun! Labor Adoption labor is quite frankly the longest labor in any delivery. Parents must get through court, travel, and sometimes wait weeks before actually “delivering” their babies. This stage, just as in biological labor, is very necessary as well as the most difficult part to get through. Those last moments before meeting and holding your child are at times unbearable, yet prove to be worth every tear and pain. Delivery The most amazing day has finally arrived! You will finally see your child for the first time and wrap your arms around this precious being. This experience is equivalent to a doctor placing the baby on your chest after delivery. You see that child and it all makes sense. The joy and gratitude flow, as well as the tears. A child has become a son or daughter, a woman becomes a mommy, a man becomes a daddy, and a family is created—beautifully. Andrea Kidd is an Adoptive Mom For information about America World Adoption, visit awaa.org
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Kari,
The feelings are SO mutual! I still thank God for placing you in my life at the PERFECT time! He knew exactly what we needed…….and as much as we prayed, he knew we did not need to be in Ethiopia together at the same time. hee hee. I am still 'secretly' praying that the second time around He has plans for us to be there together. 🙂
Meeting Zoie was one of the best experiences of my life. I will never forget her beautiful eyes looking up at me as I whispered into her ear, that her mommy loved her so much and was on her way! I kissed every part of her for you and filled her with your love.
I am craving another NYC trip, maybe in a few more months when we both begin labor pains again, we can go hold hands and cupcakes for the second time around. Oh, and maybe a stop at that little VIP place where we felt like true celebs!
I love you and your family dearly!
Andrea