Guest: The Orphan is an Idol

My family and I are in the thick middle of our third international adoption in six years time. Our first adoption was from China. Libby was nine months at the time and is currently five. Our second journey was to Ethiopia. Gracie was four and one half months and only ten pounds at the time. She is now almost two and very chubby!

Presently, a beautiful, seven year old girl in Haiti awaits the news that she, too, can come home to us. This journey, being our first adoption of an older child, I find to be the most difficult. Knowing that we have already missed Keemberlie’s first seven years and not knowing how much longer it will be before she is home can bring tears to my eyes at the most unexpected moments. The weight of the journey is just under the surface ready to move me to deep emotions even in the middle of laundry.

I spent most of the fall focused on the precious face of Keemberlie in various pictures around my home; little reminders to pray for her to come home quickly. And that’s where I went wrong…. Wait. What? I was focused on an orphan and her quick arrival to my home. Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that the heart of God? Not quite. The next sentence may find you uncomfortably irritated with me, but don’t throw a pillow to the computer screen just yet.

Idolatry is defined as blind or excessive devotion to something…an image, an idea, a person. Is it possible to be excessively devoted to a cause? Even a good one? The answer is, yes. If God, as Romans 8 tells us, works all things for the good of those who love him then we can assume that Satan it trying to work all things for evil or against the good works of God. And Satan is brilliantly subtle.

Where I went wrong this fall was in setting the eyes of my heart, my devotion, on the face of an orphan rather than on Jesus. And because I was focused on Keemberlie all I could pray for was a quick adoption process. When God did not answer my prayer in that way, all I could feel was frustration and disappointment.

Recently I was listening to the interview of a man who lost one of his eyes to cancer. He was sharing how difficult the loss of his right eye has been for him. While he can see out of one eye, he has no peripheral vision from his nose to the right side. He is often surprised by people or things coming his direction from the right. Sometimes he even sees things that aren’t there because he has a sort of “phantom vision”.

So it is in an adoption journey or in orphan care. When we do not have both eyes set on Jesus we lose our way. In our efforts to follow the heart of God where orphan care/adoption are concerned, subtle shifts in our focus can turn this God-centered journey into a destructive, disappointing, burdensome walk. The adoption journey is difficult enough on its own without our losing proper perspective.
The dangers of setting the orphan in the place of our devotion are many. When we focus on the orphan rather than on Jesus we:

• begin to take the burden on ourselves rather than giving it to Jesus
• begin to experience frustration, anger, depression in great measures
• begin to let worry take over
• begin to see fear take hold
• begin to think we know better than God what is best for the orphan
• start making our own plans
• meet up with burnout and desires to quit
• find ourselves taking others down with us as we forget about the people with us now – our children, spouse, friends – and their needs
• family at home begins to suffer the consequences as we lose sight of everything but the child we want to bring home/care for
• we forget or do not hear how to pray and we stop hearing the Spirit’s wisdom and leading – and this is perhaps the most devastating consequence of all.

All of these dangers can be debilitating spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically – which is why our focus cannot be the orphan.

The adoption journey can look much like this hand of cards. When playing a board game with eyes set on winning or finishing the game quickly, a hand of cards dealt like this one can be frustrating. But if the focus during game play is on the love of relationship with whom we play then the hand dealt doesn’t tip our mood so much and joy, even in the midst of a bad hand, is possible.

Adoption and orphan care is no game, of course, but you see the point. If our focus is on Jesus, the manner in which the adoption plays out stays in the right perspective and however the journey ends up, we’re still with Jesus and hopefully even more deeply connected to him. Focusing on Jesus has its benefits. It is good to be reminded of them.

• God is the Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). His love for the orphans we pursue/care for is far greater than our own.
• God’s business is to set the lonely in families, meaning HE does the work. He alone is Redeemer (Ps. 68:6)
• God’s desire is to carry our burdens for us. We feel the weight of the journey because he created the desire in us to care for the orphan, so our hearts will certainly break along the way. But God does not intend for us to be crushed by it. He rather desires the weight remind us constantly to look to him rather than the difficult circumstances at hand. His yolk is easy. His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30)

Nothing is too difficult for God. Focusing on Jesus reminds us to believe in His power to move mountains. Belief leads to fervent prayers. Fervent prayers by the godly are heard and are effective! (Jeremiah 32:17)

• Focus on Jesus firmly plants us in truth. When we are firmly planted in the truth of God’s Word and his character we find our adoption journey/orphan ministry is not swayed or broken under the challenges of the journey. (Ps. 1:3)
• Focus on Jesus aligns us with his heart and his plan. (John 15:1-8) We abide in him, He abides in us.
• Focus on Jesus gives us a testimony that strengthens those around us rather than bring discouragement to them. Our children at home will find joy and strength in the journey by this focus, and even peace in the face of great change. (Revelation 12:11)
• Focus on Jesus casts out fear. He reminds us that He does not give us more than we can handle in Him. He reminds us that He will do it! He reminds us that He is able. He reminds us to depend on him rather than ourselves. (I John 4:18)
• Focus on Jesus reminds us to pray for more than a quick process. Jesus wants us to pray for the heart of the orphan, for the hope of the nation of his/her birth, for the redemption of the governments involved, for the process of other people’s journeys, for our children at home as they face the changes to come, for our spouse to stay focused on Jesus. He wants us to pray against the principalities at war against our children’s homecoming, against sickness and starvation, and against darkness. There is so much prayer to be done on this journey, but focusing on the orphan will not produce such prayer. Focusing on the orphan narrows our vision and causes us to pray for what’s on our left rather than what is coming our way on the right. (Romans 8:26-27)
• Focus on Jesus makes us ready for the surprises along the way because looking to Jesus gives us full peripheral vision and more! By focusing on Jesus we hear him and can trust his leading even if we can’t see what’s ahead. (Romans 8:38)
• Focus on Jesus keeps us from setting our own expectations, romanticizing the journey. He keeps us balanced and grounded – able to live in both the present life at home and still mindful of the child that is not yet home. (II Corinthians 10:5)

 

And lastly,

• Focus on Jesus draws us closer to the one who set us on this journey – a journey for more than the orphan in view.

Our adoption journeys/orphan ministries are walks to which Jesus invites us for the growing of our own once-orphaned-hearts; a journey to give us a better bond and healthier attachment to our Savior, our Redeemer, our adoptive Father and Friend. You see, when Paul said, “run the race as to win the prize” he wasn’t talking about an orphan. He was talking about Jesus. Jesus is the prize. Run the race with both eyes set on him. Follow him and you will run the race well.

Thank you for reading what God has been teaching me. It is an honor to share and I pray you find Jesus and encouragement in it. If you desire to follow our adoption of Keemberlie from Haiti you can visit my blog at: www.thispoeticpresent.blogspot.com.