New Inner Beauty Series
Recently, my life has changed in what I feel are some dramatic ways causing anxiousness, uncertainty, and insecurity to rear their ugly heads again. Perhaps you can relate to times when you feel put to the test – times we must be honest with ourselves and ask – do I really trust God when my circumstances seem out of control? Do I trust Him when He’s called me in a direction that by the world’s standards appears illogical and risky? And do I trust Him when painful circumstances persist and His answers seem distant? I want to share how these emotions diminish a sense of inner beauty and confidence in God’s direction for our lives.
I am generally a person who does not like change. For me, there is safety and security in routine. But because I have decided to return to college to complete my English degree, I am thrown into crazy schedules, late nights studying, writing papers, juggling my boys’ activities, and trying to maintain continuity with our two married daughters. Along with my classes, my husband and I are in the beginning stages of developing a grant writing business – a place where I can utilize my passion for research and writing. And even though I feel the Lord’s direction in these areas – doubt has silently slithered in and I question the sanity of jumping off a ledge into the unknown.
I’m just an ordinary woman trying to put one foot in front of the other each day walking in faith by knowing and trusting the Lord. Anxiousness, uncertainty, and insecurity are oppressive emotions and do not lend well with a desire to live in harmony with myself, with God, and with others. For me, these emotions emit a lack of control, fear, and disillusionment. As a matter of fact, I sat in my husband’s office last week spewing a litany of excuses as to why I “can’t do this!” In his calm, reassuring way, he simply said, “The choice is yours. You can let go of your dream, or you can walk in faith and trust your god-given gifts and talents.” Don’t you just hate it when our guys are right!
Years ago I read a book titled, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets us Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. In her book, she identifies countless lies that Satan uses to defeat us in all areas of our lives. As with most lies, they begin with a single thought and manifest themselves into anxiety, fear, and insecurity. The truth is that the enemy is a slithering, lying, undermining force that wants nothing more than to defeat us before we even step foot out of bed. There have been many days like the day in my husband’s office – days where I have questioned my abilities. I have wanted to quit my classes (I’m too old to finish this now), find a job (I can’t write, who am I kidding), and give up. Perhaps these emotions are remnants of an abusive past. Yes, I admit, abuse hurts the soul – but it does not define who we are in Christ today. Where God covers over our hurts and weaknesses, Satan wants to capitalize on them. Being firmly rooted in Christ, built up in Him, and established in our faith (Col. 2:6-7) is a daily journey and that journey ends the moment we choose to quit.
Two things God has shown me through the changes I am facing:
- I am ordinary but He is extraordinary. My lack of ability, credentials, or experience creates the ultimate setting for God to show up for me and to be glorified. He specializes in employing ordinary people just like me to accomplish extraordinary things. Moses was an 80-year-old shepherd, communicatively challenged, who led a nation. Ruth was a simple Moabite woman who embraced the God of Israel and became great grandmother to King David. At a spiritually low time in Esther’s life, her part in protecting the Jews from annihilation is proof that God can take our sins and mistakes and use them for His glory.
- Knowing and trusting the Lord are paramount to putting our past behind us and walking in faith toward His purposes. Man, that’s a difficult one for me! Betrayal and shame are killers aren’t they? But listen to what the Lord has promised us, “He will judge the world in righteousness; he will govern the peoples with justice. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble (Ps. 9:7-10).
I love to speed walk and I love the feeling of fresh air on my face. When I walk I cry out to God. I pray for loved ones, I tell on people who have hurt me, and I praise Him. He is my sanctuary, my hiding place, and my refuge! The times I feel the most beautiful are those times when I am in His presence. There is just something about sweat and fresh air that is very cleansing! During this time of uncertainty, I have felt Him speak to me, “Just keep moving, put one foot in front of the other, don’t stop, don’t give up.”
Journey with me – let’s counter Satan’s lies with the promises of God. Let’s meet Him in a place of sanctuary and embrace the beautiful women He has created us to be.
If you want to connect with Kit, please leave her a comment here or email her privately at khoeck@suddenlink.net.
