How To Talk (Feelings) With Your Kids

I’m the kind of mom who wears all my emotions on my sleeve, right out there for everyone to see.  I can’t do it any other way… my feelings are an open book for my family.  I’m not a stuffer, but I talk to think.  I have had to learn through the years of mommyhood, to balance what feelings I share with my three kids, and feelings I save just for my hubby.  I feel big, love big, and talk big- I don’t do many things small, but I know sometimes the best mommy motto is less is more.

I love asking my kids how they feel on a daily basis.  I really want to know their feelings after a long day at school, after spending time with friends, after losing a golf match, or just hanging out … but, what if they’re not in the mood to share feelings with me?

My daughter, Hannah (14) has certain “requirements” before she shares her feelings with me.  She definitely thinks to talk and needs time to process what she is feeling.  If I approach her before she’s ready- it’s a closed door for me.  I bat zero or get the crazy look… Mom I’m not in the mood. I work on respecting her space and time to think. The best time for me to hear my teen share her feelings is just before bedtime.  I hang out with her and she opens the floodgates.. it’s important for me to make the time to relax and listen.  Do you have a child that takes time to share feelings?

On the other hand, Michael (17) and Zoie (3) both talk to think.  They know immediately how they are feeling and don’t hold back. I always tell them to bring their drama to their mama! If Michael is watching golf, I might have to wait until a commercial, but he’s great about communicating on the spot what he is feeling.  Zoie is an open feeling book, too.  I never have to second guess what emotions she is feeling during the day- sad, silly, mad, cranky, happy… she pretty much feels a variety of crazy feelings all day long!  It’s a joy for me to just try and keep up with Miss Z Personality.  Do you have a child that has an easy time sharing feelings?

I love this (feeling) advice:

The key to helping your child feel understood is to acknowledge his feelings. Follow these steps to get more in tune with your child:

• Label the feeling: For younger children, the simpler label you offer the better. Use words like mad, happy, sad and scared. For older children, more specific words help them to pinpoint the exact emotion: disappointed, worried and embarrassed.
• State the reason for the feeling. Make your best guess as to why your child feels as he does. For example, say, “It looks like you’re mad because Mom said you can’t have dessert today.”
• Don’t judge your child. Your child needs to know that it is okay to express emotion. However, at times you may need to teach your child how to express his feelings in ways that are healthy and not hurtful to others.

Do’s and Don’ts– important tips for moms!

Eight Great Anger Busters

1. Model anger management. “Mommy is feeling very angry right now, so I’m going to take time to be alone and get some self-control.
2. Show respect. Don’t participate by calling names or getting physical.
3. Give them words to express their anger. “I know you are disappointed, or sad or frustrated.”
4. Identify with their pain. “I remember when I didn’t get to go to a party…”
5. Set positive limits. Instead of saying, “Don’t you throw that doll,” say, “After you put the doll on the table, we can go have snack.”
6. Redirect energy bursts that often come with anger. Encourage positive outlets like running, jumping, blowing into a horn or painting.
7. Avoid power struggles with your child. They’re always lose-lose situations. If your goal is to control, you will teach him to control others.
8. Provide a cooling-off period by reading a book together or going on a walk. Then calmly discuss what happened and make a plan for next time.

Today I Feel Silly Book

“Teaching your kids how to express their feelings can leave you feeling just as frustrated as they are. Make it a little bit easier on both of you with a Kimochi doll that does all the explaining for you. Available as a cloud, cat, octopus or bug, the cuddly, plush Kimochi encourages kids to express their feelings in a fun and comfortable way. Each doll comes with a pack of nine emotions such as jealous, happy, sad, mad, grateful, and cranky, where they can be placed in the front pocket of the Kimochi. Named for the Japanese word for “feelings,” start using your Kimochi by reading the “Feel Guide” that’s also included.”

Are you a  talk to think mom or think to talk mom- I want to know!

Two great (mom-friendly approved) blogs about hair care- they make me feel happy…

PS: they are helping promote my Uganda Headband Project.

Click here to view- Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care

Click here to view- Beads, Braids & Beyond