What Makes A Real Mom?

“Mommy, are you my real mom?” Zoie asked me a few weeks ago.

This question holds so much weight it could hold up an elephant. So, what does make a real mom?

[heading subtitle=””] A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost in me. -Jody Landers [/heading]

When we adopted Zoie, I accepted the reality that now my daughter had two mothers. I honor her first mother, I love her birthmother. She grew Zoie inside of her own flesh, and she gave Zoie the gift of life, which is something I couldn’t do for her. I ferociously love my daughter, and would give up everything for her, but there is another mother who gave up everything for love.

A real mother is one who gets to hug and kiss and play every single day of her child’s life and one who will love her child from afar. One who will dream about her child everyday. One who sees her child’s dreams come true. One who carried her in her tummy and kept her safe from harm. One who gets to comfort and care for the everyday bumps and tumbles of life.

I’m a real mom, and I will defend that title as long as I live.

For the past twenty years, I help with homework, cheer at soccer games, and make school lunches. I arrange hair appointments, attend school programs, sports activities, and dance recitals. I fiercely protect, encourage, challenge, and pray for their safety. I play board games, help a new driver drive, and send care packages to college. I meet with teachers, shop for new shoes, talk about their day. I listen to their music, dance to their music (much to their horror, and sing their music a little too loud.

I kiss them goodnight, cry when their hearts are broken, I listen, and give sound advice. I arrange play dates, and lunch dates, and take pictures of prom dates. I scrub, wash clothes, and wipe their noses and tears. I pray hard, dream big, and think long about their futures. I yell when they mess up, but I mess up more, and make mistakes. But, in the end…I love being their mom and I’ll take on whatever they throw my way, the good, the bad, and the crazy.

Every single day I am reminded how hard it is being a mom.

I sometimes find myself feeling inadequate being a mom. I make a million mistakes and have no clue what I’m doing. I stumble around and often wonder how I ever made it through the day. I’m humbled by their love and forgiveness and acceptance of my mistakes. I’m constantly in awe of the ever-changing balance of motherhood. God’s grace is enough for me.

If being a mom wasn’t tough, it wouldn’t be worth fighting so hard for.

I’m grateful for having a mom who taught me about finding the good in the bad. She taught me about finding joy in the pain. She taught me what it meant to be strong when life is hard. She made me believe in myself when I didn’t believe in me. She loved me unconditionally and still reminds me today how much our love and friendship means to her.

Being a real mom means not taking things too seriously.

I will never forget when I asked my daughter a few years ago, “Hannah, what is the one thing you love about me the most?” She thought about it for a long time and then replied, “When you laugh like the Mikey Mouse character Goofy.” I looked at her for a long time and got miffed and retorted, “Seriously, is that the best you can come up with?”

Her comment offended me and honestly I got a little hurt. I probably glared at her like a grizzly mama. Is that really her pick from all the things I have done for her? She never meant to hurt my feelings, but I should have responded in a different way and not taken it so personal. She was trying to be funny and make me laugh like Goofy!

What makes a real mom:

A real mom is someone who loves unconditionally with all her heart. -Vanessa

A real mom is someone who loves you just the way you are. -Norma

A real mom is being available. -Janice

A real mom is good at apologizing when she’s wrong. -Catie

A real mom loves deeper than blood…. She loves unconditionally…. Prays often… and gives sacrificially. -Brent

A real mom is selfless. -Donna

A real mom is one whom makes mistakes” Wee all know we hope to love unconditionally, make-up when we are wrong, never yell or spank, forgive our neighbors, never gossip- but lets admit it to our kids its ok to fall off the wagon and show them how God can help us back up- brush us off- cry with us when we are sad…Moms are creatures too just like all else and we tend to make mistakes, too. -Mia

A real mom is forgiving and forgiven. -Kathy

A real mom is a little saggy. But for real…a real mom is safe. -Trisha

A real mom gives unconditional sacrificial love. -Paige

What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real. When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt. -The Velveteen Rabbit